(Long Version-The’s what she said!)

I’m pretty boarded at work so I thought I’d give y’all a little taste of what I have coming up for this weekend. Even though I still have a shit load to do. And those jerks on Twitter are making fun of me so I quite talking to them.

Tonight I’m going to be kickin’ it at Case de The D. Direct TV has a free weekend of Starz they’re broadcasting so I plan to load the DVR up with some movies that will tide me over for a few weeks. Basically I plan to catch up on all the TV watching that I missed this past week. I’m also going to be doing laundry. So that means I’ll be sitting around the house wearing nothing but a smile. So if you want to hook up come on over. Because tonight and tonight only I will allow the pop-in. (Saying that is basically a 100% chance that I’ll be alone.) Whatev.

Saturday morning I’m going to clean up the yard and put down some fresh seed. Not MY seed, grass seed you pervs.

But Saturday afternoon is where we really get things moving. I’ll be attending The Royals game with all the cool kids and when I say cool kids I mean cool kids. The best part isn’t even the thought of seeing my home town team, The Royals, beat the crap out of the Minnesoooooota Twins. The best part will be the free giveaway. At this game they are giving away Billy Butler Powder Blue Jersey’s which is really what I’m looking forward to, not so much the game.

I don’t care if Godzilla comes walking across the Great state of Kansas, destroying everything in his path, just because he’s a fucking jerk like that! WTF is Godzilla’s deal anyway? Why is he always destroying Tokyo, and why always Tokyo? Why not Osaka, Kobe, Kawsaki, Nagano, or even Kinville? What did they ever do to him? Besides shoot missiles at him and shit. He started it with all his car stomping, building crushing, temper tantrums, and fire breathing crap. And what is up with all the fire breath? Somebody get that fucker a tic-tac!)

But I digress.

What was I talking about? Oh yes, The Royals game. So here’s the deal, y’all, the game is almost sold out according to reports that I have heard on the radio and the lies that I keep telling everyone. The stadium seats something like 40-45 thousand or somewhere around there I really don’t know, and I’m not going to count all those seats. They’re giving away only 20,000 jerseys. So you see my predicament, right? I’m going to have to get there right as the gates open at 4, (the game is at 6) in order to guarantee that I get a shirt.

Now listen and listen good, in the off chance that I don’t get a shirt, or if I lose it, or if some one steels it. You’re going to want to have your video cameras at the ready. Because I can absolutely guarantee you that you will see a melt down of EPIC proportions; it will be a melt down the likes of which you cannot possibly FATHOM. I’m not one to plan for the worst but, I’m sure that if I don’t get a shirt, then I’m going to punch your baby. I’m going to kill at least 4 people with my bear hands. Most likely by choking, punching, head-butting, and round house kickin to the faces, think Chuck Norris, but only slower, fatter, shorter, and clean shavin’. I’ll kill at least 2 of said 4 victims twice before they hit the ground. Only to be stopped in a hail of gun fire reminiscent of the final scene from 3:10 To Yuma. After getting hit at least 57 times and still running on 100% pure adrenaline. I will yeild to my injuries and surrender to the authorities. But not after, while lying on the ground an attractive woman in our group of cool kids will come over, kneel down beside me. As I try to speak with blood gargling in my throat and spitting up gallons of blood she will say in her sexy crying voice. “The D, why did you do this? I got you a shirt, it s in my bag the whole time I was just messing with you.” I will then reach up and choke the living shit out of her. 

But that is only if I don’t get a shirt. When I get a shirt we’ll be all good in da hood.

Did I mention that our seats are in the all you can east section? Yea its going to be AWESOME! 

Sunday I have penciled in brunch at Tomfooleries. Then we might head back out to the K or we might watch it there, its still under discussion. 

Y’all have a nice weekend.

Thanks for reading.