I have spent most of the night looking for a runners watch and I’m not having any luck finding even one that has all the stuff that I want included in it.

Here are all the options that I need in a running watch, or a watch to run with if you please. I have arranged them in no particular order but I did organize them in a nifty bullet point fashion, cuz if makes me feel all grown up and shit.

• It must tell time (its a fucking watch for Christ sakes)
• Stopwatch
• Digital – LCD – (I’ll have none of that second hand bullshit)
• Water PROOF Up to 100 feet
• Heart rate monitor with ECG accuracy
• Keeps track of Average heart rate, min. and max heart rate
• Keeps track of exercise time
• Target heart rate zone
• Keeps track of Calories burned
• Pedometer
• Count down Timer
• Records Time in Target Zone
• Elapsed Exercise Time
• Heart rate transmitter MUST be located in the watch (wrist) I’m not wearing one of those stupid straps around my chest
• One language ENGLISH
• Lap counter
• 24 hour clock
• CHEAP!
• Black
• Lighted display

Let me know if you use or have any idea where I can find a running watch with all or most of these options. One thing I do NOT want is a GPS. If I wanted a GPS I would have went straight to one of the 5 billion, ok, there’s like 7 but that is still a lot,  Garmin Forerunner watches. Besides their CHEAPEST is 200 bucks!! Plus have you seen them? THERE HUGE!!! (insert joke here) It would be like running with a laptop on you arm.