Yup its another clumsy accident.

It’s ballz hot here in Kansas City ya’ll! The temperature is about 100 degrees with one billion percent humidity. It’s like trying to breath mashed taters, yo!

So I went to the gym tonight and ran on the treadmill. I staped on new heart monitor streched out and hit the belt. I was really feelin’ good! I ran for a total of 3 miles. Ran 1 mile, walked for 0.25. Ran 1 mile. Walked 0.75 ran one mile. Walked for 0.75. For a total of 4.75 miles in 60 minuets.

But…

I chew gum in order to keep my mouth moist, because for some reason when I run, either inside or outside, my mouth gets really dry. (I chew Wrigleys Sugarless gum just in case you were thinking, “I wonder what kind of gum The D chews while running? Cuz I want to be just like him, He’s AWESOME”) I was about at the 50 min mark, haulin’ ass, in my last mile when I bit my tongue so hard that it started bleeding. (This is AFTER I cut my tongue on a can of soup that I had for lunch. I was trying to get the last little noodle out of one of the single serving cans that you just put in the microwave and drink straight from the can.) Have you ever bit your tongue so hard the it bleeds? IF FUCKING HURTS! I mean it hurts like a MOFO! It’s one painful mama-jamma!

Then…

At 59:28 I was still haulin ass (I’ve decided that I will no longer run fast, I’ll HAUL ASS!) but by now I was kickin’ it into overdrive with the pedal to the metal at the break neck speed of 7.5. Then as my right foot was coming forward I clipped my left leg. My right foot gets caught and I go down like a fat man goes down on plate of donuts.

As I was going down I tried to reach for the handles, swing and a miss, no dice. I rotate my shoulders and torso so I land on my left shoulder. By doing this I avoided a myriad of injuries. One, my face/head didn’t not come in direct contact with the spinning belt sander that is the tread of the treadmill.

WWHAMM!!

I landed on my left shoulder and went shooting out the back like an elephant with a bad case of da runs. As I was rocketed off the back I tucked my knees up to my chest and just went along for the ride. I spun around as I hit the carpet and crashed into the stationary bike behind me… with the back of my head stopping me.

I’d post a video but I can’t find one that even comes close to the coordination that I demonstrated. If it was caught on video, it would be titled “How to Fall Off a Treadmill with Grace and Class” Starring The D.

I think the only injury I incurred was a sore shoulder and a bruised ego.

After hearing the crash the dude at the front desk comes out and asked if I was o.k, and asked what happened. Like a dumb ass i not only told him I demonstrated my gracefulness. All the while he was laughing at me so I tossed him out of the 22nd floor window ala John McClane style.

With a bruised ego I did 3 sets of sit-ups and left.

I should sue those fuckers.

There was no one in the room but there were other people in the weight room across the hall. I know that clown at the desk told them.