Lately I’ve been thinking about why I blog, why I started, and why I keep doing it even though it’s obvious that I’m barely literate enough to type out a sentence that’s free of any spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors.

While digging though some old emails last night that I had sent out to my friends before I started blogging. I game across this little gem about my Chevy Trail Blazer getting stolen. I thought I would share it with ya’ll today. This email was originally sent out on (or around) October 24^th 2005, before I started blogging.

Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Friends,

Well, Monday started out awesomely great! I got up nice and early for a change, refreshed and ready to attack the week. I was really motivated to kick some ass at work. I left the house early and stopped by the Quick Trip at 43rd and Rainbow for my morning cup of coffee and water. I paid for it walked outside and then the bottom fell out of the whole day. I came out of Quick Trip to an empty parking lot.

Some douche bag decided that he would start his day by stealing my car. So I went back in and called the cops. As I was outside waiting for the cops to protect and serve me (where were they 5 min before?). I then started to ponder all of the things that I had left in my car, like my cell phone, checkbook, my fantasy football paper work, and most importantly Lonnie’s house keys (more on that later). The cops came and I filed a report and I walked home. Did I mention that I left the car running? I got in the house by taking the screen off of the window in the guest room. I can’t believe how easy it was to break into my own house, don’t get any ideas.

Anyway, I called my boss and he gave me the whole day off. I called the insurance dude and filed a claim, I am just waiting on a call from the adjuster. I called my cell phone provider and put a block on all incoming and outgoing calls from that phone so the perpetrator could not run out my minutes. I already have a rental which is covered under my policy. I called the bank and had them cancel any written checks. I have already reprinted my fantasy football paperwork (a man has to have his priorities!)

I still need to call a lock smith to have the locks changed because my house keys were in the car.

I’m really not worried about the car. This is why I pay insurance.

I had bigger worries, much bigger; I’m talking life and death bigger! Lonnie is on her honeymoon in Mexico until late Wednesday night. The keys to her apartment were in my car because I am feeding her cats until she gets back. Anyone with cats knows how she feels about those cats. If anything bad were to happen to her cats she would just absolutely MURDER me!! I don’t mean a simply stabbing or a single gunshot, I talkin’ B.T.K style murder!! So I was really freaking out about how I was going to feed her cats. Lonnie may be little but she fights dirty. So I am sure everyone can understand the amount of stress and anguish I was going though. So I called Hammer (Burt’s daughter in North Carolina) to see if she could overnight her keys to me, well she doesn’t have any keys to their apartment. So I went down and talked to the building manager and he let me in so I could feed the cats today and until they get back. So the cat crisis has been averted, and I have canceled the red alert.

So now I am just waiting on the lock smith to change the locks.

But the good news is that I might get a new car and cell phone. I think I have an old cell phone around here somewhere but I don’t feel like looking for it right now. If you want to call you will have to call the numbers below.

One more thing that was in my car was Wednesday’s winning power ball ticket!!

If that Quick Trip sells the winning ticket then I am going to sue like a Mo Fo!!! I am not going to let some criminal take my car AND my 340 million clams!! I have instructed my brother C-boy, who is an attorney, to start the paper work now.

I will let you know what happens next. So stay tuned…. Lonnie may kill me yet.

I know I am idiot for leaving my car running but I like to live life on the edge. That’s just how I roll.

You all have my permission to make fun of me. I deserve it. But in my defense this is not the stupidest thing I have ever done and I am sure it won’t be the last.

And the most important point is that NO ONE needs to tell Lonnie. I will tell her when she gets back.

The D

Back to present day. Now I can’t end this post without telling you what happened to my car can I? That just wouldn’t be fair.

A few weeks later the cops called my house while I was at work. They tell me they had found my car and they give me the number to some detective. Now I don’t know about you but when I hear that I need to call a detective the first image that comes to mind is Sipowitz from NYPD Blue the second would be Kojak, (who loves ya Baby?) then I would have to say it’s a tie between Cagney and or Lacy. I call the detective the next day and he tells me that they found my car a few days before they called me and that it had been involved in a “rolling gun battle” and that it was involved in an accident. I thought “Oh great! A ROLLING GUN BATTLE!?!?” Then he just tells me where to find the car and that I need to pick it up.

This is what I find:

Drivers side quarter panel also trashed. Again how/why?

HARLEY MATS!! SWEET!

Something ripped out from the ceiling.

The whole truck is filled with someones shit!

This is the worst part. Medical exam gloves? WH,WH,WHY?

What you can’t see is the damage to the underside of the car from when the cops were chasing it though the fields in western Wyandotte County.

Needless to say I got a new car and all ends well with the world.

No I don’t leave my car running any more. I only make a mistake once. Unless it feels good then I do it as much as possible.

Thanks for reading.