I do some stupid shit. I mean some really stupid shit! This has been well documented in the 2 years that I’ve been blogging. From the work idiocy, to my many, many, incidents of hurting myself, to the time my car was stolen. Those are just a few of the examples that I was willing to find. I’m sure you can find more if ya looked.

But what makes me awesomer than you, is that I’m willing to tell you about it. Most people would never tell those kind of stories to their closest friends much less the entire blogsphere, where anyone in the world can read it. You see, I believe that in order for you to be able to make fun of other people, you have to be able to laugh at yourself first. And, belive me I laugh at myself for something stupid that I do every day. Don’t take life so seriously. Life is a roller coaster. Enjoy it for Christ sakes!

I tell you, the blogsphere, these stories mostly because it keeps me from getting too big of a head (that’s what she said). It keeps me grounded and its a pretty funny story. I can’t wait to tell my retarded kids.

So as I said earlier I was out drinking at The Twin with the EYE-talian on Saturday. He took off about 12:30 or so and I stuck around drinking until last call, which if you don’t know is at 1:30 am. I walk home drunk wasted. When I get home I start drunk Twittering which is something new for me, but is much easier than drunk texting. I’d give you some of the prize winning twittes but it won’t let me go back that far, looks like I can only go back to Sunday morning. Those of you that follow me, or hit this site Sunday morning, know what I’m talking about.

So the girl I’m dating doesn’t have twitter. So I was going to send her a drunken text just before I went to bed. I was going to tell her that I was missing her. Because I’m a sweet guy. So I go though the trouble of typing out the message:

“I’m drunk and I really miss you.”

Classy I know. It’s pretty much just oozes class don’t it? Anyway I typed it out and hit the “Send To” button, scroll down to her name, select her name, and hit the send button. Then I just go to bed thinking every thing is cool and I’d see her, or talk, to her on Sunday or whenever.

Just as I was getting into bed the phone vibrates and its a text from some one who has no business texting me at 2:21 am. I check the message:

“We miss you too”

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Chills run down my spine as the enormity of my fuck up hits me like a pillow case full of doorknobs right across the face. I set that message to C-boys wife The SIL!!

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Lets pause right there and let the enormity of the situation soak in, like a towel soaking up spilt gasoline.

…

OH FUCK!! Is all I could think. First I thought unsend, UNSEND! But I quickly remember that my phone is a few years old so it doesn’t have that option.

I’m literally sick to my stomach almost to the point of vomiting all over my bedroom. I almost started bashing my head into the wall.

This is where I went wrong, their first names are similar as far as the first few letters go, so they’re right next to each other in the phone which stores them alphabetically (spelled that right the first time, w00t). I crawl in to bed and cry myself to sleep.

Sunday, I get up about noon and I have 2 more text from the SIL. I didn’t reply to them because I just know she was jacking with me. Not to mention the monumental embarrassment I was feeling, coupled with a hangover. Plus, I knew she was going to give me the “interrogation” about the girl that I was trying to send the message too. And to be honest we’re just not at that point, at least I’m not at the point to tell the family that I’m dating someone.

I tell you this story not to embarrass myself or to give you ammo to make fun of me, there is nothing you can say that would make me angry or make me change my mood one bit. Because I really don’t give a shit what most people think of me.

Besides none of you d-bags have posted about something, that you have done, that even comes close to this level of embarrassment.

Which is why I am still awesomer than you and will be for years.

One last thing I’m pretty sure everyone in my family reads this, or at least knows about this blog, so add that the my embarrassment.