Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
You walk in the front door of your house. You have the sudden feeling that you have a solider coming out of the foxhole. You race to the head, sit down, and drop the kiddies off at the pool.
Look to your right, at the paper roll…
Empty…
Shit…
“No biggie”, you think, you’ll just reach over to the left there and get another one out from under the sink.
Double SHIT!!!
No TP.
You’re home alone with no TP within reaching distance. No paper towels, nothing. No cloth towels either.
What would you do?
How would you get out of this situation?
What do you think The D did? I’ll let you know in the comments.
13 responses so far ↓
1 Faith // Jul 16, 2008 at 3:56 pm
I don’t keep extra TP in the bathroom. So when I notice that the roll is low, I grab one from the hall closet before I head in.
Years ago, I used to hang out over at some friends of mine house…bunch of boys in college. They never, EVER had toilet paper around, and while I was lucky enough not to have to shit when I was there at any given time, I did pee on a regular basis. What did I do to dry off? Well, I used their towels the used to dry off from their showers, of course!
Lesson learned, guys: If you plan on inviting women over for any reason, be prepared and have TP in the bathroom. DUH.
Side-note: we all got together at that house to watch th Tyson vs. Holyfield (sp?) fight that one year…you know, when Tyson bit Holyfield’s ear? Yeah, they were outta toilet paper again, and I was SICK OF IT. So I went to the store to get some chips for us all to munch on, and I grabbed them a 12 pack of Charmin while I was at it. When I walked back in the house, there were another 20 people there that hadn’t been there when I left. I held up the TP for everyone to see, and I’m not kidding, a collective cheer went up from the group that I’m sure people could hear at least a block away! It was awesome.
2 DLC // Jul 16, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Hop in the shower? Kinda gross but it would get the job done. of course you wouldn;t have any towels when you got out…
3 emawkc // Jul 16, 2008 at 4:32 pm
What?! You don’t have a bidet?
Cretin!
4 Blake Williams // Jul 16, 2008 at 5:19 pm
i thought that’s what showers were for
5 Xavier Onassis // Jul 16, 2008 at 6:29 pm
My guess is you got down on the floor and dragged your nasty ass along the carpet like a dog with a case of the scoots and that the skidmark will stay there till you move out.
What did I win?
6 Nuke // Jul 17, 2008 at 11:19 am
Choices as I see it, in order of preference.
1. Shower. If not available read on.
2. Use your undies (unless you wear a thong, in which case you have other issues D).
3. Phone book pages. Little chance of you needing, say the civil defense pages, before a new one comes. Got thru a 3 day weekend in the barracks with hte Honolulu phone book.
4. Bite the humiliation bullet and call a friend to go get you some damn TP!
7 red // Jul 17, 2008 at 1:49 pm
I would just get in the shower. I think I pretty much get in the shower and wash without wiping like every morning. Otherwise, you could use your hand and immediately wash it.
One time (years ago) I felt the urge whilst in the shower. I was already soaking wet and didn’t want to get water all over the bathroom. So I dropped loaf right in the shower and threw it into the toilet with my hand. Problem solved. Of course I did all of this while already covered in soap, but who else can say that they’ve flung their own shit. ME!
8 DLC // Jul 17, 2008 at 2:13 pm
allright D, it’s time to fess up before this goes any further!
9 Windy City // Jul 17, 2008 at 4:49 pm
My brain is way too fried today to figure out a clever idea for how you handled the situation…please, please don’t leave us in suspense?
10 The D // Jul 17, 2008 at 8:42 pm
First, of all thanks for all your comments especially you hot chicks!
Faith - You’re a GAWD DAM life saver! Someone could have been trapped on that toilet, thank God you were there to save the day!
DLC - The towels are in the hall are just outside the bathroom. Not to far to walk soaking wet.
Emaw - You don’t live far enough south to have a bidet.
Blake - Showers are for cleaning yes!
XO - YOU LOSE!
Nuke - You forgot one. Sit in the sink and splash water up there.
Blue - I don’t believe that story for a second. I’m going to need some independent confirmation.
DLC - Keep your shirt on, I’m getting to it.
Windy City - How youuuuu dooooooiiiiinnnn’? (said like Joey Tribbiani from Friends.)
O.k so the short answer is that I took a shower, got a towel out of the hall closet, after then redressed and went to back to work. On the way home I picked up 24 pack of John Wayne TP. (Rough and tuff, don’t take shit off nobody). So I should be set for a few weeks. I also refilled the roll and put the rest under the sink in the bathroom.
11 red // Jul 17, 2008 at 11:42 pm
It’s a true story alright. Very true. LAST!
12 The D // Jul 18, 2008 at 12:41 am
Red - If that story is true then is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard of.
13 red // Jul 18, 2008 at 8:23 am
That was back in my heavy drinking years.
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