I have never told anyone this part about me because I don’t want the attention for it. I don’t want to be known as a Gold Medal Blogger. I just want to known as a normal average everyday dude, that likes to have fun and tell some funny stories about myself.

Back in the 1984 at the XXIII Olympic games held in Los Angeles. I was a young 14 year old stud just trying to make a name for myself in the sporting world. (Before you even ask, yes I totally plowed, Mary Lou, I mean I wrenched that shit). I competed in various events and won the Gold Medal in every single event i was entered in. Today it’s still recognized as the single greatest feat in the sporting world, at both professional and at the amateur level.

In the swimming competitions I won the Gold medal in the individual 200m and the 400m Doggie Paddle. In diving I won the Gold in the 3 meter (10 feet) and the 10 meter (33 feet) Belly Flop. In the Belly Flop they scored by largest amount of water displaced. I won, and set a World, and Olympic records, with 1 metric ton of water displaced accumulated over 3 dives.

I also won Gold in the 5 Meter (16 feet) spring board Cannon Ball Competition against my archival Mich Cumstein of Cuba. Kicked that Commies ass with a splash height 25′-8.5″ in the finals.

In the co-ed competition of the Chicken Fights we whipped the Soviets with a score of 10-2. (Sadly my team mate fell under the spell of crystal meth and now lives in Independence, Missouri. She has 7 kids by 8 different fathers, and fellas, I hear she is single now. Let me know if you want me to hook you up.)

We also whipped the Dutch in the finals of the Marco Polo Competition.

In the team competition we kicked some major ass in Red Rover, Dodge ball, Tag, and smear the queer tackle the man with the football. Winning Gold in all of them.

In one Olympics I won 10 Gold medals. (On a side note, my sister took silver in Paddy Cake. But to this day still contends that the judges were against her from the start).

Sadly, after just one appearance in the Olympics all of my events were removed from the list of recognized sports because all competitors failed the drug test, except for me. They didn’t find steroids of any kind but galacticly huge amounts of alcohol in their urine.

After years of fighting I am still hoping to get Nose Picking, on the agenda.

(Yes this does count as your Thursday Joke).