Part of Faith’s post today talked about some elevator etiquette. I started to leave a comment but it ended up being too long so I thought I’d post it here.

Many people, including me have written rules about bathroom etiquette. Well, it’s about time we had an Elevator Etiquette, or Rules for the Elevator.

1. When you walk up to the call buttons and the direction you want to go is already pushed then don’t push it again, you jerk-off.

2. If none of the call buttons are pushed then press your button only once. Rapidly pushing the button DOES NOT make the elevator move any faster. It just makes you look like an impatient Jerk wad.

3. When the elevator doors open and there are people that want to get off, they have the right of way let them off first. Before you bum rush the elevator. What? Are you trying to get the best seat at a fuckin’ movie theater? Slow down, have some patience, the car will still be there, even if 50 midgets get off when you want on.

4. If you get to the elevator and the doors are just closing. DO NOT press the call button. There will be another car in a few minuets. If you’re in that much of a rush to get to wherever you’re going then you should have left earlier.

5. Holding the elevator should only be done for hot chicks/guys. Nuff said. You know it, I know it, she knows it, he knows it, I just had the balls to say it.

6. If you’re the last one on and closest to the floor buttons then its your duty as the “driver” to ensure the every one has the opportunity to call out which floor they want to stop at and its your responsibility to push the correct buttons. If you fail in this task then its obvious that you’re too stupid to have job in a building. This also allows all of the other occupants the opportunity to punch you in your taint on their way out of the elevator be cause your a dip-shit.

7. When you finally get a chance to board the elevator walk all the way to the back. Turn and face the doors the you entered from. If, in your journey to your floor, the car stops and it’s not your floor, then move all the way back but do NOT crowd the person behind you. If you can feel their tits, or belly or boner. Then your too fucking close move the fuck up. Or you’ll get pregnant or ass fucked. But if that’s what your looking for have at it don’t let me stop you.

8. Pay attention to what floor the car stops on. If you get off on the wrong floor then I hope you have fun looking like a douche bag while trying to get back in a crowded elevator.

9. DO NOT under any circumstances press the emergency stop button. It will scare the shit out of the other passengers and will result in you getting gang banged, or having your briefcase shoved up your ass. Seriously, if you do stop the car, while I’m in it, because you think it’s funny, I will break you in half like a fucking twig.

10. This is the most important. If you are going either up or down one floor then TAKE THE FUCKING STAIRS!!!! Are you that lazy that you can’t walk 15 feet to the stairs to walk up or down one flight of stairs? Are you fucking kidding me? There are few things in this world that annoy me more than someone getting on the elevator and going one fucking floor. I just want to punch you in the face and eat your babies. If your healthy there is no reason for you to do be riding an elevator for a trip that last one floor. The amount of time that you spend waiting on the car you could have already been to where ever your going. I work in a 6 story office building (4 office floors, 2 parking floors) I always park on the 2nd level (lowest) I work on the 2nd floor. We’ve been in that building for a year and a half, I’ve NEVER EVEN BEEN ON THE ELEVATOR!! I always take the stairs!

I think 10 is enough if you think some should be added, let me know in the comments.

Thanks for reading!