As per Urban Dictionary.com

A Donkey Punch is  – The Donkey Punch is when your engaged in anal sex and when your about to ejaculate you punch the poor little lady in the back of the head so her anal cavity tightens making the orgasm all that more better (for you of course).

and a Rabbit Punch is - A punch to the back of the head that can cause injury or death. Common term in the sport of boxing (is an illegal move).

The more you know

Nowadays if you listened to the people in the media, local and national, every web site where people can post comments is a blog. If that were true than the Kansas City Star, USA Today, and parts of the New York Times, and many other newspaper web sites would be blogs. Well, they would be wrong, DEAD WRONG! They are not blogs they’re web sites. It would be like calling baseball, softball. Yes, they are similar but they not the same.

And it pisses me off (although not enough to make my Airing of Grievances PT.1 and PT.2) that no one has ever bothered to explain to these journalist what exactly what a blog is. It’s clear they don’t know the difference between a blog, a web site and an editorial site. Otherwise they wouldn’t look, and sound like morons when they say “I wrote a blog about blah, blah, blah story on our web site.”

Now pay attention because I’m about to school you mo-fo’s.

First, lets take the easy way and just look it up at Merriam-Websters.com makers of fine dictionary across the world. According to “Webby” as I like to call it a blog is:

a website that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the author.

That’s a nice description, I can’t disagree with that. But how some one confused that description with writing an editorial on the Funkhouser Recall effort is beyond my comprehension.

Now just to be safe lets see what Dictionary.com has to say on about what a blog is in todays world. The fine peeps at dictionary.com like to prove to everyone that they are a bunch of smarty-pants and came up with a bunch of definitions lets look at all of them.

Using the word blog as a noun they come up with:

an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page.

a shared on-line journal where people can post diary entries about their personal experiences and hobbies; “postings on a blog are usually in chronological order”

Using it as a verb they say:

read, write, or edit a shared on-line journal.

I don’t agree with using blog as a verb but I’m going to let it slide. You’ll find out further down. I would take both of those definitions and add one more very important adjective. Independent.

You see in order to be a TRUE blogger you first need to meet all of the above criteria and you must also be independent. Independent of rules and regulations that the man has crammed down your throat passed down. If you write something that gets put up on a corporate web site it’s not a blog post. It’s an article, or if its your opinion it’s an editorial. Bloggers, like me, don’t write articles, or editorials, we write post.

Bloggers don’t have to live up to the same standards as journalist. We can say what we want, about whom ever we want, when ever we want. As long as we don’t break the law. We don’t have maximum, or a minimum number of words that we must use in a single post. They can be anywhere from one word to as long as we want to make the post to get our point across, or when ever we finish our story. Hell, they don’t even have to be one word they can be just an image or a video.

Bloggers don’t even have to follow any kind of rules to get our point across. I can give you link after link after link to bloggers who refuse to use capital letters, proper punctuation, or even proper spelling, whether it’s intentional or not. We don’t even have to make much sense, EVAH! As long as it gets our point across it doesn’t really matter.

But if a journalist were to write an article for, lets say, a local television stations web site, about the weather. And you use words like eb’ody, evah!, and  W00T! People would think you were a blundering idiot because they come to your web site and expect a certain level of professionalism. Bloggers don’t have to be professional, hell we don’t even have to know what we are talking about. We just think up an idea to type about and away we go. We don’t have to research jack shit. We also don’t have to use proper English. We can cuss up a mother fucking fire storm. If we fucking want to, journalist can’t. If you read an article in the Kansas City Star, whether in print or online, and the writer was cussing like that then what would you think about that writer?

If you come to a blog and read language like that what would you think? Before you answer that question you need to know that WE DON’T FUCKING CARE WHAT YOU THINK! We bloggers don’t write our blogs so you think we’re smart. We don’t even care if you care think we know what we are talking about. We do it because we have something to say or we enjoy doing it. If you enjoyed the post great leave a comment. If you disagree AWESOME leave a comment and tell us why. You might get a response you might not it depends on the blogger. Just read it and comment if you wish to contribute then more the fuck on.

(I should probably go back and replace all those “We” with “I” or “Me”. Don’t assume that I speak for all bloggers. I don’t, they can speak up for themselves.)

Blogging is just like the American Old West back in my favorite year, YESTER! There are no rules for bloggers. We do what the hell we what. We can write a post about anything we want. We can post up a pic of any thing we want, we can post any video we want. Journalist and editorial writers can’t they have to follow rules set up by the man.

Before I get into the practical application of this post I thought I’d give you a heads up. A post is one individual entry to a blog. A few weeks ago a friend emails me and asked when I was going to put up my Lost Recap post. But she phrased it wrong and I just had to let her know about it.

She asked “When are you going to blog about last nights Lost?”

My response, “I’m not going to blog about it I’m going to write a post about it.”

A post is one single entry in a blog. A blog is made up of many post. So when I here some one say “when are you going blog about…” whatever. Then I feel the need to correct them and say “I won’t start a blog about it but I’ll probably write a post about it.

Furthermore, this blog is about me and stuff I do and what I think. This blog isn’t just about Lost or College Football, or the weekend I went scuba diving in the Bonne Terre Mine in Missouri and almost died. It’s not about my fitness, or my weight loss. It just contains POST about all of those things.

Now that we have covered the definitions I want to talk to a couple of you more annoying fuckers that refuse to stop calling your web sites blogs. (The list is so long that I don’t even have time to give you all of them here. I’ll do another post for that list. I’ll also include the criteria as I did above. So this is just a short list.)

Katie Horner if you say that you blogged about whatever weather pattern that just went though town I’m going to do something very bad to myself. You don’t want that bothering you. Do you? You can say “I editorialized yesterdays storm on our (your) KCTV5 Weather blog (ugh) site at KCTV5.com” If you said that you wouldn’t sound so lame.

CNN – This is not a fucking blog. It’s an editorial. Stop calling it a blog you look foolish.

Jack Cafferty of CNN’s The Situation Room. You’re a journalist Jack, not a blogger. If you want to be a blogger start dropping some f-bombs. I know your angry enough you’re always angry.

The Huffington Post – You’re not a blog. You’re not even a newspaper. You’re just a plain old run of the mill web site filled with opinions. Which makes you one massive editorial FAIL!

Gary Lezak – I don’t even know where to begin with you. Stop referring to your readers on your NBC Action Weather Blog site as bloggers they’re READERS. I don’t care what you refer to them as, neighbors, dudes, sexy chicks, MILFS or ever Cougars, just NOT bloggers!

Jason Mulgrew – You don’t even allow comments so you just all around suck balls.

Recently a couple of journalist one formally of the Kansas City Star, and one still with the newspaper have started their own web sites, separate from the umbrella corporation that is the Kansas City Star. You two are in luck. Because you have separated yourselves from the newspaper which no longer would have a strangle hold on what you say and how you say it. You’re both bloggers, now. Congrats Mike Hendricks and Hearne Christopher Jr. Hearne I’ still waiting on you to go full feed. Mike, you’re really going to go with the Seinfield Quote of that day as a widget? You need to take a blogging class at a local Juco.

A far as TRUE bloggers go anyone of the links on the left is a great example of a TRUE Blogger. I invite all of you to read them. If a link doesn’t work let me know and I’ll get that fixed in a jiffy.

The more you know… the less you sound like an idiot.

Y’all keep hangin’ and bangin’. I’ll catch you on the flip side.