That’s what happened to me last night.

It totes changes everything in my life from this point forward.

You know how you have a favorite thing? I mean, it’s just the best thing ever, and you never make plans if something should happen to that thing because you expect it to be there every year, year after year. You never plan for the “what if”.

Today the what if came.

Both of zippers from my Columbia parka have broken and it makes the coat TOTALLY UNWEARABLE!!!!

LOOK, LOOK AT IT!!

The one above is the outer shell you can see the zipper on the left, the one that goes up, doesn’t have handle TOTALLY USELESS.

Then is one happened today!!!!

This is the fleece liner that can also be worn as it’s own jacket. The zipper on it is broken too. The handle is broken and the zipper has some kind of mechanism that holds the zipper up so it wont unzip. So unless I can get this zipper to unzip then I can’t attach it to the outer shell and wear both the fleece inner liner and the outer shell together as one kick-ass coat.

If you think I’m going to wear each one as separate coat then you’re fuckin’ nuts. I’m not some homeless, unemployed, degenerate from Independence Missouri.

I’ve had this coat for like, 8-10 years, it’s my favorite coat and now it’s RUINED FOREVER!!!

So its dead to me.

So sick of this, you guys. I hate everything.

Suck it up you pansies.

Newsflash, Jerkstore, its FUCKING SUMMER! We all already know its hot!

But I’m outside everyday YES, EVERYDAY after work, at walking/running my fat ass around Loose park for an HOUR! You don’t hear me complaining do you?

Just make sure you’re drinking plenty of water if you’re outside. I’m already on my 3rd refill. The heat can be deadly to the elderly so make sure you check in on them a couple times a day.

Stop complaining and just accept it. In 6 months you’ll be complaining about it being too cold. You could always move to Canada. I hear its nice this time of the year, well, except for all the Canadians.

No smart-ass, I actually cooked a real meal. And although it was no SEX-LOAF it was still pretty kick-ass.

Let’s get to the story shall we? WE SHALL!

With the impending Shownami, Snowpocalypse, Snowgasm, (take your pick, did I miss any?) I decide to go into work Saturday morning for a couple of hours. But once it started to snow I got the hell out of there and stopped by the grocery store. Of course I did break the number one rule of grocery shopping. NEVER GO HUNGRY! You’ll end up spending twice as much as you were expecting too. Of course I did. All I wanted to do was get enough food for Saturday night, Sunday morning and Sunday afternoon.

But before we get in to all that I want to tell you of this thing I found out Friday night. I was trying to decide which store to go to I had 3 choices, Hy-vee, Hen House, or Sun Fresh. The Sun Fresh in Westport is too ghetto hence the nickname “Ghetto-Fresh”, The closest  Hy-Vee is on Stateline and 75th or there abouts, and the Hen House is too small. So I was looking at some stuff on the Hy-vee web site and found out that they DELIVER!! OMFG!! I almost passed out from reading that on there web site. Just place your order 4 hours before you want it delivered or picked up and they’ll bring it to your car! Here’s all the details for you’z guyz.

So back to our original story.

As I was leaving work I was thinking about what I wanted to eat for the next couple of days. I decided that I was:

A) Going to make me some chocolate chip cookies on Sunday.

2) Going to have Chicken Mac and Cheese for dinner Sunday night.

So naturally the first thing I buy are grapes, apples, and oranges. See people, NEVER GO TO THE STORE HUNGRY, EVER!! Then I start thinking about breakfast and I knew right then and there I wanted some Honey Nut Cheerios. It is head and shoulders the best breakfast every day of the week and twice in Sunday. We can debate it all you want but you’d be wrong. To prove to you that its the best breakfast cereal EVAH! They were out. Click this for sound effect. But they had plenty of other sub-par breakfast cereal. So I just skipped it all together and went with pancakes.

When I got home from the store I found out that I was not in the ownership of one flat cookie sheet. It was still snowing so I put the cookies off until Sunday afternoon when I could get out again to pick one up.

So I have the chicken, mac & cheese, corn and broccoli. I know how to cook the corn, broccoli and the mac and cheese because I can read, and it says right there on the package. BUT! It doesn’t say shit about how to cook 2 chicken breast  on the chicken package. WTF?

So I start searching the web for instructions on how to bake chicken breast. All I can find are recipes that have me adding all this other lame-o shizz that I don’t want to add. All I want to know is what temperature and how long they need to be in the freaking oven. Seriously it shouldn’t have been this hard! I spent hours and I MEAN HOURS, like at least 1.5 hours looking for that information.

So I got fed up with that so I asked the twitterverse. Apparently, I wasn’t clear when I asked “How long, and at what temp do I cook 2 skinless chicken breast? So the back and forth went on for about 20 min then I texted The Sis, she calls back:

The D: ‘The D, GO!” (Yes, that is how I answer the phone. Saying “Hello” is for chumps!)

The Sis: What are you baking the chicken in?

The D: The oven

The Sis: NO SHIT dumb dumb! What size is the pan?

The D: I have to use a pan!

The Sis: Oh, good grief.

The D: Umm, you want the dimensions of the pan?

The Sis: UGH!! Why do I even bother helping you? How deep is it?

The D: Umm 4″? Maybe?

The Sis: 20-25 min 400° Cover the dish with aluminum foil. What are you going to season them with?

The D: All I want to do is cook the fucking things so I can chop them up and put them in the mac and cheese.

The Sis: You’re going to put chicken in Macaroni and Cheese?

The D: Yup

The Sis: That’s disgusting.

The D: NEGATIVE! It’s going to be AWESOME!

The Sis: Whatev. If you burn your house down you’ll have to stray with moms so be careful.

The D: Peace out Girl Scout!

The Sis: Wha…

Click.

So I start searching though the cabinet for some kind of spices, I find some Mrs’ Dash seasoning that I think will work.

So I put the chicken in the pan and add the Mrs. Dash seasoning. Cover it with the aluminum foil and chuck it in the oven at 400° set the timer for 20 minuets.

Cook the broccoli according to what it says on the package. Then set it aside. Next I cook the corn and the macaroni at the same time but in different pans. The corn is finished before the mac so I set it aside also.

The timer goes off and I check the chicken by cutting into it no pink, so its done.

Take it out and then the timer for the macaroni goes off. I dump that into the strainer and let it sit while I cut up the chicken.

Then I dump the broccoli, corn, mac, and chicken back in the large pan that I cooked the macaroni in. (note to self: Get a bigger pan the next time you do this.) Then I add the cheese and mix it all together. I also added whatever I still needed to add to the mac and cheese, butter, and milk, I think.

This makes a shit ton of food!

Let me tell y’all somethin’ it was better than McCoys Mac and Cheese. I just added some pepper. Then divided out into 4 microwave safe Tupperware bowls and I’m set for just about the whole week.

Total time cooking was about 20-25 min. Total set up time was about all day looking for the right time and temp to cook that freaking chicken.

Today I had some for lunch and I think it may be even better reheated.

To read heat it: one min in the microwave stir then one more min. Eat!

That’s some GOOOOD CHOW!

(Tuesday night in part 2 I’ll show you the picks. They aren’t loading to the server for some reason.)

*That’s what my grandmother calls the microwave. Only she pronounces it micra-oven. Do all 90 + year old ladies call it that?