With less than 90 days left until my 37th birthday I thought I would start my birthday wish list. I will edit this list as I deem it necessary, so check it often. Here we go in no particular order.

A bag for my laptop. So I could take it outside of the house. Like the front porch. This one is nice or at least on the right track. I have a 17” screen on the laptop so make sure the bag is big enough for a 17” screen. Otherwise I will throw it at you and scream “You ruined my birthday!! You Ruiner!!”

One of those types of pillows that has a board on one side and a pillow on the other so I could stop burning the fuck out of my thighs with this laptop. This should get you headed in the right direction. I want it to match the couches. You could steal one from The Hampton Inn. Or you could be cool and actually by one from that link, ‘cause it’s EXACTALLY what I want!

A cordless mouse and keyboard for the PC. I’m still using a mouse with the ball inside.

Speaking of the home PC, I also want a new video card. Nothing special just a new one to go with the new monitor.

My two front teeth. Opps, that’s for Christmas

MORE HITS!

One of these! Would totally kick ass!

An all expenses paid scuba diving trip to Australia so I could dive the Great Barrier Reef! I would even take a scuba trip to the Bahamas.

CLOTHES!!! HELLO I’ve lost almost 80 pounds! Gift Cards from the following Men’s Stores. Banana Republic, Nordstrom’s, Neiman Marcus, Sears, Macy’s, The Gap, Harold’s, Old Navy, Dicks Sporting Goods, JC Penny’s. And any others that you think I might have missed. And a hot chick to pick them out.

An all in one scanner, printer, copier, toaster.

A surprise party. Can you believe that I’m gonna be 37 years old and I’ve never had a surprise party? WTF!! You could have it here I’m just sayin’.

A Shoe label. Because I’m gonna get hit by a car eventually. The odds are in the cars favor.

A yard rake My old one is busted.

Snow shovel So I can shovel the snow. Duh!

Snow Blower So I won’t hurt my back shoveling 50 yards of driveway.

Dish washer So I don’t have to keep cleaning my dish over and over.

Life size Storm Trooper or Darth Vader.

Baywatch Pinball Machine

An air hockey table

Tickets to the Super Bowl.

A trip to one of those aerial Dogfighting schools where they strap you into a World War II era airplane and you actually get to fly around shooting you’re your opponents down. That would be WICKED SWEET! This one would be even more awesomer than # 7 ‘cause it comes with a video!

Last but not least I would like one beer from all of my buddies (dudes) and pals (Hot Chicks).

Now I know what your thinking, “But The D you forgot to add any type of sexy time to your list. Don’t you want some hot sexy chicks to perform various types of dirty dirty stuff to you?”

Well, of course I do, but do I really have to say that kind of stuff every time I make a list of stuff that I want? I mean c’mon it’s understood that I want that kind of stuff all the time, right?