Milk makes me burp.

That is all.

If I have to read one more blog post or tweet about now hot it is I’m going to blow a fucking gasket!

Suck it up you pansies.

Newsflash, Jerkstore, its FUCKING SUMMER! We all already know its hot!

But I’m outside everyday YES, EVERYDAY after work, at walking/running my fat ass around Loose park for an HOUR! You don’t hear me complaining do you?

Just make sure you’re drinking plenty of water if you’re outside. I’m already on my 3rd refill. The heat can be deadly to the elderly so make sure you check in on them a couple times a day.

Stop complaining and just accept it. In 6 months you’ll be complaining about it being too cold. You could always move to Canada. I hear its nice this time of the year, well, except for all the Canadians.

Good news LOSERS! I’m fat again. I’m 220 pounds of fucking AWESOME!

I’m not posting again until I’m under 200 pounds because no one wants to read what a fat ass has to say.

(That’s not really me. But that’s now I feel.)

Tonight I had a frozen pizza for dinner. As I was cutting the pizza with a pizza… Knife? Cutter? I started to wonder…

How many pieces I should cut this pizza into without looking like a total douche bag.

So, I put out the question to the twitterverse. How many slices do you cut your frozen pizza on too?

I got a some interesting and unexpected responses. One of which I didn’t even think was legal to do in this country. was cutting it in to 6 slices. Which I think is total crap, who cuts a pizza like that? I’m sorry but that is just CRAZY talk. You always, ALWAYS, cut the slices in half. The first cut gives you 2 halves, the 2nd and 3rd cuts give you 4 slices, and the 4th and 5th cuts gives you 8 slices. The only way to get 6 slices of pizza out of a pizza (unless its a square pizza, and if you eat square pizzas just stop reading now and punch yourself in the face) is to have your first cut not go all the way though the pizza. WHO DOES THAT?!? It’s un-American that’s what it is!

So I ask you, my fellow Americans, when you cut a pizza at home, how many slices do you end up with?

I ended up with 8 but I usually go with I my 4 slices. But next time I’m going with the Pizzarito. And the next time will most likely be about 2 or 3 am on Saturday night.

Because I love all of my fellow Americans. I’m going to buy everyone one free root beer float on Wednesday night June 3rd, 2009 between 8pm and midnight. Just drive up to any Sonic and tell them that you want one free 10 oz root beer float. They will ask you “who sent ya?” And you’ll just have to say “The D” sent me. Bada-boom bada-bing you get a free root beer.

But there is a catch. This grumpy old bastard doesn’t get one.

I usually don’t watch Animal Planet. It’s not on my list of frequently watched channels. But after watching a show called River Monsters you can be DAM sure I won’t be watching it again.

They should rename that channel to The SCARE THE SHIT OUT IF YOU CHANNEL!!

In this episode of River Monsters this crazy dude goes on the hunt for flesh eating catfish. But here is the really scary part.

Watch this!

(Some jerk face turned off the embed option. So I cant put it here.)

What you don’t see in the video is that they actually track down the dude that this happened to!!

Then they went on to talk about some man eating catfish that are about 9 feet long!   That’s not the actual pic but you get the idea of its size from that pic.

What was REALLY messed up they went on to show a pic of a catfish that eat a man and still had his lower torso and legs still sticking out of its mouth. It was completely horrifying!

The good news is that all of this happened in the Amazon. I have already made a mental note to NEVER even get close to any river any where near the Amazon.

I’m sure to have nightmares tonight.

Back in January or February I bought some Lopping Shears from the Ace Hardware in Westport. They were on sale for a good deal and I new I was going to need them to trip the plumb tree that’s in front of the house. Another reason I bought them was that the label said the  handles were made out of titanium. The same material that golf club handels are made out of, so I thought KICK-ASS!

Today was the day to bust them out and finally get that dam tree trimmed. It’s gotten so big that it’s branches hit my car when I drive past it when I pull into or out of the driveway.

Long story short here are the lopping shears when I started.

Yes that is my shoe.

I cut down 2 stinking limbs, then disaster struck. I was cutting the 3rd limb and snap!

Stupid POS’s.

Apparently I’m much more powerful than I thought or they weren’t actually made out of titanium.